My mother.... like every mother is very protective, i am always amazed by the way she has kept me like a pearl in the sea shell.
She never let anyone hold me when I was a baby, thinking they might accidentally hurt me. Be it crowded market , rushy road or stuffed bus she stood next to me like the strong metallic wall protecting me from every nuisance.
I have never felt safer than being with her. Even today when i have crossed my 25 she looks after me the same way. And then i realized something one night.
I am now married and i mostly travel with my husband wherever it is. We were supposed to do a night journey with my mother. We had booked a sleeper bus for 3 of us.
Me and my mom slept in the 2 beds and my husband signaled me that he would be just in the next upper birth. I signaled him a good night and I will be fine through my eyes. Its been almost 10 years i know him and its like a different person i have been living with since 2 years of our wedding. Every time when its time we are about to depart to sleep separately its a weird feeling, as if something is not right. I dont know if he feels the same but i feel it every time and have never told him till today as it might sound stupid. So i try to fill all these in that final glance of the night and he left to his bed.
I kept thinking about my mom now. We hardly got chance to sleep together after my wedding and she was excited as ever. As she gets travel sickness she tried to doze off soon.
I slept gradually and at one point i suddenly woke up. i could feel my stomach giving me a vomiting sensation and vomiting scares the hell out of me always and the very thought of vomit makes me shiver in fear. For some reason i have always been scared of vomiting. I kept saying myself no no no.... its gonna be fine... not today not now.. pls pls pls...
i turned to my mom and saw her sleeping. Dint want to wake her up as i know this might create 2 people vomiting in the bus.
god.... i got to know its time and am about to puke. i opened the window but i dint vomit. My mom woke up and gave me water bottle.
I washed my face and slept again. the sensation was still there and without my knowledge i saw towards the screen next to the bed hoping to see my husband.
I kept seeing there for long thinking why was i seeing there. My mom was right next to me and i was soo afraid. i could have held her hand tight and slept but i dont have that feeling to feel protective inside her arms. I wanted to protect her, wanted to keep her inside my arms now, wanted to protect her from something that can cause problem to her even if its me.
The person who i am married to felt like mother to me. I wanted to feel safe in his arms like the way he has kept me all this while, only that i realized it that night. I dint want him to do anything for me. I was self-sustained to take care of myself but i dint want to do it . May be i am now addicted to being taken care by him .Things had changed so much, my mother felt like my child and my husband felt like my mother. It was magical to realize how blessed I was to have the master of Care and Love, I thought all of this to myself and closed my eyes smiling to him.